# Child custody, explained simply > Courts decide custody based on what’s best for the child. Legal custody is who makes big decisions; physical custody is where the child lives. Parents can agree on a parenting plan, often with a mediator; if they can’t, a judge decides. Child support is set separately, usually by a state formula. - URL: https://explained.page/child-custody - Language: en - Last checked: 2026-10-29 - Watch the 1-minute animated guide: https://explained.page/watch?start=child-custody ## Step by step 1. **Working out custody?** Courts focus on one thing above all: what’s best for the child. Here’s how it usually works. 2. **There are two kinds of custody.** Legal custody is about big decisions, like school, religion and health care. Physical custody is about where the child lives day to day. 3. **A parenting plan sets the schedule.** It covers school days, weekends, holidays, summer, and how you’ll make decisions and handle changes. 4. **Try to agree first.** Many courts send parents to mediation. Agreements are often faster, cheaper, and easier on kids than a court fight. 5. **If you can’t agree, a judge decides.** The judge looks at the child’s needs, each parent’s home, and who has been caring for the child. Older kids’ wishes may count too. 6. **Keep kids out of the middle.** Don’t ask them to choose, or to carry messages. Keep a calm, steady routine, and speak kindly about the other parent. 7. **Child support is a separate question.** It’s usually set by a state formula, based on both parents’ incomes and time with each parent. 8. **Look it up the right way.** Search with your town or state in the words. Pick the official site: it usually ends in .gov. Skip ads and sites that charge for free forms. 9. **When to call a family lawyer.** If there’s a safety concern, a move to another state, or the other parent has a lawyer, get advice early. Many offer a free first call. ## Checklist - Learn legal vs physical custody - Write a parenting plan - Try mediation - Keep kids out of the middle - Keep records of time and costs - Child support is separate ## The main rule Courts decide custody based on what’s best for the child. ## Two kinds of custody - **Legal custody:** who makes big decisions, like school, religion and health care. - **Physical custody:** where the child lives day to day. Either can be shared (joint) or given mostly to one parent. ## The parenting plan It sets the schedule for school days, weekends, holidays and summer, and how you’ll make decisions and handle changes. ## Agree if you can Many courts send parents to mediation. Agreements are often faster, cheaper and easier on children. ## If you can’t agree A judge decides, looking at the child’s needs, each parent’s home, and who has been caring for the child. Older children’s wishes may count. ## Child support Support is separate and usually set by a state formula based on income and parenting time. If there’s a safety concern, a move to another state, or the other parent has a lawyer, talk to a family lawyer early. ## Common questions ### At what age can a child choose? There’s no single age everywhere. Judges may consider an older child’s wishes, but the decision is based on the child’s best interests. Source page: https://explained.page/child-custody/questions/at-what-age-can-a-child-choose ### Can custody be changed later? Yes. Usually you ask the court and show that circumstances have changed. Source page: https://explained.page/child-custody/questions/can-custody-be-changed-later ### What is joint custody? Both parents share custody. It can mean shared decision-making (joint legal custody), shared time with the child (joint physical custody), or both. Joint doesn’t always mean a 50/50 schedule. Source page: https://explained.page/child-custody/questions/what-is-joint-custody ### Can I move to another state with my child? Usually not without the other parent’s agreement or the court’s permission, especially if you have a custody order. Ask the court before you move. Source page: https://explained.page/child-custody/questions/can-i-move-to-another-state-with-my-child ### What if the other parent doesn’t follow the schedule? Keep a simple record of missed visits and messages. If it keeps happening, you can ask the court to enforce the order. Don’t stop following it yourself. Source page: https://explained.page/child-custody/questions/what-if-the-other-parent-doesnt-follow-the-schedule ### Do grandparents have custody or visitation rights? In some states, grandparents can ask the court for visitation in certain situations, but the rules are limited and vary a lot. Source page: https://explained.page/child-custody/questions/do-grandparents-have-custody-or-visitation-rights ### Does the mother automatically get custody? No. Courts decide based on what’s best for the child, not the parent’s gender. Source page: https://explained.page/child-custody/questions/does-the-mother-automatically-get-custody ### Do I need a lawyer for a custody case? You aren’t required to have one, but it helps when you can’t agree, when there are safety concerns, or when the other parent has a lawyer. Many courts have self-help centers. Source page: https://explained.page/child-custody/questions/do-i-need-a-lawyer-for-a-custody-case ## Official sources - [Office of Child Support Services (HHS)](https://www.acf.hhs.gov/css) - [National Center for State Courts](https://www.ncsc.org/) To find your local office, search for: - "[your county] family court custody forms" - "[your state] child support calculator" --- General information, not legal or professional advice. Rules differ by state. From explained.page (www.explained.page). Life’s stuff, explained simply.