Served with divorce papers: what to do first
Don’t ignore the papers. Read the petition to see what your spouse is asking for and find your deadline, often 20 to 30 days. Many states put automatic orders in place, like not emptying accounts or moving the kids out of state; follow them. File a response on time even if you agree. Gather financial records and don’t hide money, keep the kids out of the conflict, and get advice from a family lawyer or court self-help center.
Your checklist
- Read the petition and deadline
- Follow any automatic orders
- File your response on time
- Gather financial records; don’t hide money
- Keep the kids out of it
- Get advice and stay safe
Rather read it? Here’s the whole thing.
Don’t ignore the papers
You usually have a set time to respond, often 20 to 30 days depending on your state. If you don’t, the court may decide without you.
Read the petition
It lists what your spouse is asking for: custody and parenting time, child or spousal support, and how to divide property and debts.
Automatic orders
Many states put temporary orders in place when a divorce is filed, such as not moving the children out of state, not emptying bank accounts, not canceling insurance, and not selling major property. Check your papers and follow them.
Respond
File a response with the court and serve it on your spouse as required. If you agree with everything, you may be able to move forward as an uncontested divorce.
Prepare
Gather tax returns, pay stubs, bank and retirement statements, mortgage and debt records, and insurance policies. Don’t hide or move money.
The kids
Keep routines steady and keep them out of the conflict.
Help and safety
A family lawyer or court self-help center can explain options like mediation. If you feel unsafe, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline or call 911.
Official sources, and where to look
- National Center for State Courtsncsc.org
- National Domestic Violence Hotlinethehotline.org
- Legal Services Corporation: free legal aidlsc.gov
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Common questions
Do I have to move out after being served?
Not just because you were served. Who stays in the home is decided by agreement or court order. Get advice before moving. More ›
Can I use our joint money for a lawyer?
Often reasonable use is allowed, but automatic orders vary. Keep records and ask a lawyer or the self-help center. More ›
How long do I have to respond to divorce papers?
It depends on your state, often 20 to 30 days from when you were served. Your papers should state the deadline. More ›
What happens if I don’t respond to divorce papers?
The court may grant the divorce by default, possibly giving your spouse what they asked for about property, support and custody. More ›
What are automatic restraining orders in a divorce?
Temporary orders in some states that start when a divorce is filed, limiting things like moving kids out of state, emptying accounts or canceling insurance. More ›
Can I contest a divorce?
You can dispute the terms, like property or custody. In most states you can’t stop the divorce itself if your spouse wants it. More ›
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Not yet reviewed by an expert. Last checked 2026-10-29. This is general help, not legal, medical or professional advice. Rules are different in every state.